Holiday Time

Warmth.
Glow.
Family.
Loss.

Fake tree needles on the floor.


Reflection on the past.
Reveling in the present.
Dreading the future.


Holiday Cards.

Remind me of everyone that is gone.

And everyone that is still here.


Daughter guilt.

Mommy guilt.

Sibling guilt.

Guilt for not having the stamina to be a social warrior.

Trying to be a warrior for my children.

Fear that this alone is not enough.

 

Fear for my children.

Fear for the world.

Fear of apathy.

Fear of inaction.

Fear of action.

 

Too busy.

Not busy enough.

Drowning in a pile of laundry.

And dishes.

And filth.

 

Thankful for all of the blessings.

Hatred for the complexity and darkness in the world.

 

Overflowing with ambition.

Stalled by apathy.

Scared of judgement.

Thankful for support.

 

So much to do.

What is important?

How to remain healthy,

and helpful,

and strong.

How to inspire?

Anyone?

 

Keep going.

Even when things are complex,

and confusing,

and dark.

 

There is goodness,

and light,

and inspiration,

somewhere.

 

Find inspiration in myself,

even when I find myself less than inspiring.

It's there.
Somewhere.

 

I want to be funny today,

but can't muster the courage.

 

Oh well.

 

Keep trying.

 

It's ok.

 

 

© 2016 Krysta Bernhardt. All Rights Reserved.