Hitting the Pause Button

Busy. Life is busy.

I'm in the busiest years of my life. Being busy is a privilege. I totally get that. (Although sometimes it feels like a giant anvil living invisibly on your chest).

Right now, I am busy.

Don't get me wrong, I am NOT complaining. But in my general state of busy there isn't a whole lot of room for the art that I have been so passionate about.

I've been making a conscious effort for the past couple of years to *finally* make creative space in my life. I'm trying to make it a priority... like my family and my job and my health and my parents and my friends and, and, and, and, and, and, and...

Right now my house is calling me. In the past year, while I have been kicking out more art and writing more than I ever have been able to allow myself to do at any point in my life, my house has sprung a leak (well, several). It wore out (all at once) and just generally decided it needs some long needed attention. Houses and cars have a tendency to do that.

I'm glad I'm in the position to fix things. I haven't always been. Our tiny family has worked really hard to get here. Believe me, I'm no stranger to hard work. Husband and I started from basically nothing and have "pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps" through many years of scrimping, saving, skipping what wasn't necessary, making tough decisions, not taking vacations, working extra hours, buying second hand etc etc etc. 

So here we are - privileged enough to fix what needs fixing, and privileged enough to make the choice to fix it.  

And privileged enough to not make art for a while. 

What's the opportunity here? Believe me I've had a lot of middle of the night moments lately where I've woken in a cold sweat, chastising myself for not being persistent and seeing a bleak future where I quietly, silently fade into the twilight of my life instead of living out my unwavering image of riding the crest of a multi-colored wave that comes crashing into a beautiful shore of creative possibility.

The opportunity is that I can hit the pause button and recharge this part of all our lives. I can fix this shack and create a space that makes the space that everyone in my family needs to be creative and be our best selves. This space can support my art and my husband's work and our kids' education and all of our passions as we find them. 

So as I sit on the floor, fingers covered in blisters, tearing out carpet, or sanding drywall, or moving furniture, or managing contractors or buying supplies... I can know that I am STILL being creative. It may not be the way that I originally envisioned in this moment, but on the other side of this, we will all have a space that reflects back to us all the possibilities that await us in the future.

Sometimes you have to hit the pause button on your art to live life, take care of what needs taken care of and create something that you didn't expect so that you have the space and motivation to make the things you want to be making in the future.

So art... I will be taking a small break from you, but just for a short time.

Creativity, we are still getting to know each other and you are here with me on this part of my journey. You are teaching me valuable lessons every day about all of the things that are truly creative and how so many of them have fallen outside of my definition of the word.

I have much to learn, and much to create.

So stay tuned...

Creativity and I will be back here soon.


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